This blog post is not about war. I'm venturing away from the primary subject of this blog again because without a special person in my life I would not be in position to share my thoughts openly with the rest of the world. I've written almost 50 posts about various topics related to my time in Afghanistan, but it's my wife back home at really is at the heart and soul of why I'm doing this blog. It was her who helped to lift me out of a rough time in my life and helped re-instill me with confidence I lacked for a long time.
Happiness is a rare commodity these days. A lot of people say they are happy, but they really are missing something deep down. There is often a hole somewhere that they long to fill but just cant find the right piece to fit their puzzle.
I personally am not part of this crowd.
1 year ago on October 28th I married my wonderful wife, Julie. It was a beautiful ceremony at the MSU Alumni Chapel and was followed by an incredible reception with family and friends at the MSU Union. It was an event that changed both of us forever. It was not just our union together, but the union of our families. We both agree that we're just as close to our in-laws as we are to our own organic families. Our wedding was a one day event, but the last year of marriage has been the really special part of the whole experience.
It's been an incredible year for both of us. Within this year Julie has nearly completed her masters program at George Washington University in Washington, DC. I have trained up, gone to war, and am now preparing to return home.
I have received several emails that have asked how difficult this year has been for us, being so separated. People are curious what it's like being away from someone for so long, and what we do to manage typical marriage issues. To answer that, let me start with a few stats...
365 days married
Days Together: 31 days (8.5%)
Long distance: 606 days
Together: 65 (10.7%)
Days deployed: 218
% of our marriage spent deployed: 59.6%
Days since last hug: 223
Days until we live together: 204
Days until puppy: 422
Julie and I have been apart for nearly our entire relationship. We had been dating for only about 7 months when I left for basic training. When she was trying to decide where to go to grad school I threw my support to GWU even though I knew it would be a very long distance from where I would likely be stationed.
When I was assigned to Joint Base Lewis-McChord near Seattle we already knew she would be in DC that fall. We joke that we both signed up for Washington but forgot to specify which one. Well in 3 months she planned a magnificent wedding and all went well. Here are our keys to happiness from 3,000 to 10,000 miles apart.
1. Trust the other person 100%--We love each other too much to get upset over stuff like facebook statuses, missed phone calls or any that petty crap. How can you manage to keep love afloat if you do not trust the other person? I can honestly say that we have not had a single issue of mistrust in our first year of marriage. I've seen relationships end during this deployment because of a lack of trust. It is sad, but I'm glad we do not have to deal with that.
2. Don't let money run your marriage--My mom will probably email me for this one, but let me do my best to explain...I read an article recently that money accounts for about 35% of marital disputes. People who know me know that money is not a priority in my life. That doesn't mean I do not recognize it's importance or enjoy having some, but I do not let it control my emotions. Julie and I have dealt with financial struggles as a young couple starting new careers and with her still being in school. However we keep an open dialogue about our financial concerns and do our best to not let those concerns lead to personal contempt. It's not easy to manage a home on the Atlantic Coast and another on the Pacific Coast, but with good communication we have made this a reasonably simple adventure.
3. Treat every moment together as if there may never be another--I am in a profession that does not afford me the opportunity to look too far ahead. Complacency kills in my job...literally. Julie and I have made it a priority to make the most of every facebook chat or phone call or any random hug we are lucky enough to share. Commanding 100% of every moment we spend together provides us the fulfilment of knowing that we really are giving our best efforts to each other. There will never be a single hug that does not bring with it the passion of 100% devotion.
I am very blessed right now. I'm serving in Afghanistan to provide safety for my friends and family back home. I am fortunate to have the love and support of so many people back home and Julie is at this top of this list. She has taken care of everything back home and been so supportive of my needs here. I look forward to getting home to her, and to the blessings of a long life together...finally.
Julie and I live by a motto that has inspired us both since before I left for basic training...it is at the heart and soul of everything we do for each other:
LOVE AND LOYALTY CONQUERS TIME AND DISTANCE
Until next time...
Chris
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